How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
