We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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