Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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