either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
