It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
