I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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