***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
