Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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