I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
