there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
