it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
