i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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