they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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