Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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