even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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