I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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