I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
