its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize