turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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