i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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