It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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