my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
