Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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