accomplished twins. life is a go
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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