I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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