just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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