Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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