I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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