It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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