The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
