he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
