About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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