You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
