smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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