i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I love you.
Bad choice
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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