just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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