decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
