Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
