so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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