I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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