I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
