i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
