The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
