How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
