Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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