watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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