i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
