god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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