I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
