i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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