Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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