Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
