i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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