Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
