i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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