party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize