Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
