Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
