as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
