I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
