I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
