Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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