i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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