well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
