On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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