I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize