wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
