And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
