I will die if light touches me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
