He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
