**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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