I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
