if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
