she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
