I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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