Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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