and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I could fuck to npr.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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