Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
